The short form of the back story:
1. Maggie has been “friends” with Maura since first grade. In first grade, they were quite close.
2. Since first grade other girls have joined their “friendship”.
3. Last year, much to Maggie’s dismay, Maura started pulling away from Maggie somewhat and connecting more with the other 2 girls.
4. And this little tidbit should have been #1 ~ Maggie is a MAJOR people pleaser of the highest level. It is positively dismaying to me how eager to please and needy she is…it’s pathetic really. I try hard to understand…I know once upon a time I too was a people pleaser…but it was so long ago I can’t remember. I don’t know how she FEELS. I can’t relate to or respect her approach.
So, cut to this week. She asked me if Maura could spend the night. This Saturday we have Blake’s birthday party and this Sunday is Jon and I’s anniversary. So, I told her Maura COULD spend the night, NEXT weekend. She promptly went to school and asked Maura if she’d like to spend the night next weekend, to which Maura replied that she would and she had to ask her mom. The next day Maura told Maggie that yes, indeed, she could spend the night next weekend.
Then yesterday, she came to school and told Mags that she didn’t know if she could because she was going to ask her mom if Hannah and Darcy (the other two) could spend the night at her house. Which naturally broke Maggie’s heart and pissed me off BIG TIME!!I have tried without success over the past year to convince Maggie that she should just cut those ties. Those 3 girls don’t do anything positive for Maggie or her self-esteem. Over and over they have shown themselves to be inconsiderate and thoughtless…Maggie just doesn’t rate with them…and she expends FAR too much energy trying to.
Sadly, Maggie and I spent most of yesterday evening at odds over this situation. Maggie is scheming, trying to figure out how she can convince Maura to choose her next Friday night. I am appalled that she doesn’t in 4th grade words tell her to go to hell. I have tried and tried to convince Maggie that she is a good friend and she in turn deserves good friends. I really am at a loss right now. I told her last night that I would prefer she have a different friend over, because Maura isn’t very nice. And still this morning she came out and told me what she plans to say to Maura today…which is basically a beggar pitch, please pick me. Then she asked me if she can convince Maura to choose her, and she does indeed spend the night, will I be nice to her. I quite honestly answered, “I won’t be mean, but I won’t be nice by my usual standard Mags. That’s the best I can do.”
Why? What do I do? Dammit, why won’t she listen to me? 38 years I’ve spent learning all these hard lessons and the people I love most refuse to let me help them learn from them. It’s cruel really. Meanwhile, my heart breaks for her. Any advice???
