Anyway... this morning I watched Monday's episode, in which Oprah discussed her weight struggles AGAIN...funny how those of us who struggle with our weight go in circles on this issue, huh? So today, Oprah gave me a free gift...an epiphany that she shaped out for me. We all know it's one thing to "know" something...and a whole other thing "believe" it. Yeah?? I've seen and read so much self-help it's ridiculous...I KNOW that you have to make yourself a priority. I KNOW I can't take care of the people I love if I'm not taking care of me. I KNOW I should exercise...eat right...get enough sleep...spend quality time with God and reading my Bible. But there's a problem with that...you invest your time and efforts into what you LOVE. So I take care of the kids and Jon and my friends and even my house...but not ME! You see...I don't love me. Geez, I can't stand me. I constantly disappoint myself. I'm too fat, too pushy, too controlling, too...too...too...
Wow, it's kind of a shock to realize in all clarity that you don't like yourself. And something of a relief to realize your apathy and disgust is totally unfounded. I am NOT trying to toot my own horn here, those of you who know me know that is not who I am...But, upon close inspection this morning I realized...I am a WONDERFUL person. I am worthy of care. I am loving and gernerous and loyal to a fault. and if I don't take care of me WHO will take care of Jon and Sam and Liam and Maggie. All these years I've had a million excuses:
1. I don't have time
2. I can't afford to get a gym membership
3. I'm too busy, and even
4. I'm too lazy
Well, those of you who know me also know that while I may be many bad things, lazy is NOT one of them. It all comes down to the fact that I have not given MYSELF the love I DESERVE!!
In an effort to debunk some of my excuses this is what I have in my basement. I know...sad isn't it. How could anyone who has a complete gym in their basement NOT work out. Now seems like as good a time as any to say "Thank you Jon, I know it's a lot and I truly appreciate that you indulge me with this and even humor me when I refuse to get rid of any of it...because I know I should be using it even when I'm not. You are an awesome supportive husband!'
SO...I am promising myself...I WILL love myself. I BELIEVE that I am worth every effort. I believe that I will be a better wife, a better mother, a better friend, a better homemaker and I BELIEVE that I am LOVEABLE!! I will do this...for ME!
Here's what I need from all of you...encouragement and accountability. I am NOT looking for praise. But, I'm not foolish enought to think this new love will be easy. I am prone to depression, especially at this wretched time of year. There will be days I don't love anything, let alone me. I vow that EVERY DAY I will post my workout. If I don't call me...email me...nag the crap right out of me. Remind me that I matter, that I'm loveable.
Thank you to my family and to my friends and to those of you who fall into both categories especially! I love you all!
My workout today consisted of:
10 minutes ~ elliptical
30 minutes ~ treadmill
200 crunches
YOU CAN DO IT GIRL!!! And I will vow to call you email you come over and bug the hell out of you if you don't!!! And you are loveable and worthy!!! Here's to a healthy 2009!
ReplyDeleteOkay...first of all, you made me cry dang it!! Second, I'm right there with Katie...in fact, you've inspired me!! I just might carry my fat arse to my basement, (or maybe yours...who knows?) and work out on our "complete gym" as you put it! I even have some awesome work-out tapes/dvds, that I love to do, I just always convince myself that I should be doing something else... cleaning, laundry, dishes, etc. Just anything, but taking time to take care of myself. Anyway, I'm proud of you...it was extremely brave of you to be so brutally honest with us (the world), but most importantly, yourself. Love you girl...and as always, I'll be lifting you up in prayer! (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteWell......im fat. But im DEAD SEXY!!! So I am dieting and working out also. Running and situps every day. This is my goal....40 pouns by the wedding. Wish me luck!!
ReplyDeleteMy dearest Daughter, the greatest gift you can give to those around you is a healthy, happy, spiritually rewarded you! What you and only you, can give yourself is love, it will automatically flow out in everything you do for everyone as well. I am so very proud of you, Love you, Mom
ReplyDelete(BTW: the light was so bright from your epithany that I was sunburned!)